This Week's Stock Market Summary

Hogs bogged down in a trough. Cattle trailed off. Chickens flew up to roost at new heights. Eggs cracked up, but then slipped off. Milk was fluid, cheese was firm, and butter churned up and down. Hay rolled up, and then soured in a storm. Corn popped early but flaked off through the week. Cotton was soft all week. Peanuts came out of their shell last week and were boiling this week. Beans went down easy, but then rattled through the end.

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent bulbs dimmed with light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. Cruise lines kept at an even keel. Towels dried up and then showered down. Coca Cola fizzled after heavy gains. Caterpillar stock inched up. Balloons were inflated. Batteries exploded after trying to recharge the market. Toilet paper touched bottom.